6 Young Nigerians on how music helps their heartbreak
From Diddy's "Ass on the Floor" to Jhene Aiko's "Triggered", this is the soundtrack to heartbreak as told by the NATIVE community.
Music has innumerable benefits. More than an enjoyable listening experience, we’ve seen the power it possesses in boosting our confidence, realigning our faith with God, and even getting through a really difficult lockdown. Suffice to say, that music is the go-to for many of us when we’re feeling low, and time and time again, it has proved useful in providing some comfort, no matter what you may be feeling. It’s no surprise then that music is also a really helpful tool for mending a broken heart even though evidence since forever shows that relationships usually always end in tears.
Back in 2011, Drake accurately summed up relationships and dating in our generation when he sang these relatable words on “Doing It Wrong”: “We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together/But we sure make it feel like we’re together because we’re scared to see each other with somebody else”. Where our parents’ generation was generally forthcoming and straightforward about courting with exclusivity, our generation is more commitment-phobic, and as we’ve come of age have managed to rewrite the language of relationships to suit the times, and that definitely has a lot to do with technology and choice.
I’m no relationship or expert or anything, but to me, it seems like growing up with the Internet has made it such that our lives are endlessly cascading from one moment to the next. Everything we consume on a daily basis is bite-sized, from 10 second long videos to songs are barely hitting the 2-minute mark and things vanishing after 24 hours, and it seems like we have become accustomed to instant gratification in all walks of our lives. As a result, relationships have also taken a hit and we’re less likely to give ourselves entirely to the process for either fear of getting hurt, or a ridiculous need to always have one up on everybody around you. As the music and entertainment, we consume are made by other people like us, it also means that these biases are being confirmed in what we surround ourselves with, and most of what we hear and see tells us to keep our guard up when it comes to love.
Clearly, this isn’t a very clever ploy and from what today’s discussion on the timeline has shown us, it’s that we all do have feelings that need to be explored and satisfied, and there’s a dissonance between how we want to present ourselves and who we really are at the core. On social media, the language is one of openness and people are not afraid of sharing details of their intimate and private lives. These platforms make us feel less alone in the struggles that come with maintaining romantic relationships today and that’s why every so often, there are topics that unite everyone on the timeline from different parts of the world. Following today’s topic about heartbreak and its effects on us, I began thinking of all the times that music had got me out of a tight spot when it came to matters of the heart and artists who had been forthcoming with how their experiences with heartbreak had helped them peak creatively. Listening to music that represents a sliver of the pain you’re experiencing can be an incredibly moving experience, and sometimes it can sound like all the good advice your friends could tell you in one song.
There’s no shortage of music that can speak to the core of your being and make you feel seen in your low moments. On one hand, you get female rappers like Megan thee Stallion, Flo Milli, Shaybo, and Mulatto, give you the same confidence boost, priming you with lyrical ammunition to guard your heart against these fuckboys. On the other hand, you have the Jhene Aikos, Snoh Alegra, and more who’s lyrics can help you pick yourself back up after a bad breakup, giving you the courage to brush off your tears and get back to feeling your best and strongest self in your lowest moments. Listening to an artist like SZA or Summer Walker, your most toxic feelings are instantly brought to light, with lyrics such as ‘Got myself caught in your cross fire, you a wild one, and I am wading in you like it’s cool water, like it’s cool when I see you pull up with that new and it’s not me’ from SZA’s “Hit Different” or ‘boy, you know I love you, and everything you do and I just can’t quite understand it, but love makes sense of you” on Summer’s “Drunk Dialing” – I don’t think I need to explain, I’m sure anyone can relate.
On the flip side for the #other gender (aka the opps) there are artists such as Future, Drake, Bryson Tiller, Brent Faiyaz, and more, who give us women a pretty good idea of how the typical fuckboys think within relationships, whilst making the real-life opps we face feel validated in their behaviour. With lyrics bent on emphasising the jaded detachment that comes with toxic masculinity, this music presents the reality of dating to us, and showing us the feelings we keep trying to surpress. Nobody can convince me that Drake isn’t a supervillain and if you’re doubting it, just consider the premise of “Marvin’s Room” again with a critical ear. Drake has drunk dialled an ex who has moved on, and is telling her she can do better, asking her what she’s doing that’s so important when she declines his invitation and also informing her that he’s had sex 4 times in a week… whew.
From r&b to hip-hop/rap, there are artists who speak to the experiences that we’re all going through; whether that’s as the person doing the heartbreaking – as Brent Faiyaz sang “I got too many hoes but they ain’t you” – or the one getting their heartbroken. To this end, the NATIVE spoke to six young Nigerians about how the soundtrack to their last heartbreak and how they feel about getting into relationships in the future. From listening to Diddy’s “Ass On The Floor” because it makes them feel like a bad b*tch to rediscovering their love for the High School Musical soundtrack and Charli XCX, here’s what members of our community had to say.
M, 23, M.
Quality of dating overall: 0/10
Frequency of dating: I’ve not had a proper relationship in the Lagos scene but I’ve had one situationship in the last year.
How happy they are with their dating life: Honestly I don’t know how I feel about it at the moment, I haven’t thought about that
Go to break up music: Future’s ‘Save Me’ album.
M, 22, F.
Quality of dating overall: For me, I’d say 0/10 lmao. My life is boring as hell.
Frequency of dating: Honestly very low, and I think it’s cause I barely go out so I barely meet people.
How happy they are with their dating life: Very unhappy lmao. I’m not mad about being single, but sometimes you just want your own person. Plus harmattan is coming, so I need a cuddle buddy.
Go to break up music: I usually suppress my feelings and focus on other shit. They give me a couple of nights for a big cry. So I play music that reminds me of that person during those crying ceremonies lol. I always feel better after I cry though. I still haven’t been able to listen to Jhene Aiko’s “Triggered” for some reason.
N, 21, M.
Quality of dating overall: 6/10 as a gay man, it is also heavily influenced by access, financial power and your social circle.
Frequency of dating: 2/10 from my own perspective.
How happy they are with their dating life: I’d say I am content being single. I am a bit more aware of what I am looking for now than I was some years back. On a good day, I am able to take it in stride and be very practical with it. But because I have an anxiety disorder, it is often hard to stay practical and remind myself of necessary truths that can help me heal from loss.
Go to break up music: Mine were Mitski’s “Nobody” and IDER’s “Mirror”. I don’t listen to them very often these days as I am trying to discover new music, but they still mean very much to me as they represented interesting times in my life.
W, 23, F.
Quality of dating overall: 5/10
Frequency of dating: 2/10
How happy they are with their dating life: 1/10. Heartbreak sucks and makes me want to die, especially when the person that breaks my heart is somebody that loves/loved me.
Go to break up music: Music does not help me move on, it just helps me feel better in that I don’t feel as stupid since others have gone through it, and I know that I’m not crazy. I listen to anything and everything. Songs that I definitely should not be listening to I put on repeat. Song with memories, I don’t mind listening to. I don’t really care for what is good and healthy for me emotionally, I do whatever I want and if it hurts then it hurts. I’m super self-indulgent during heartbreak.
S, 25, F.
Quality of dating overall: 6/10
Frequency of dating: 3/10
How happy they are with their dating life: I am happy with my dating life because at least no one is cheating on me anymore. I had really poor self-worth when I was growing up and I tended to be in toxic relationships where they obviously didn’t care about me. Though I’m sad I’m not with someone, I feel at peace knowing that I learnt so much to get to the stage I am now. I am content with everything.
Go to break up music: Okay, so don’t judge me but I had to revisit the High School Musical soundtrack for my most recent heartbreak. I was always listening to 21 savage and the City Girls trying to activate my thug, but then I remembered back then how the HSM soundtrack be hitting. So I went back and let me just say that you can’t listen to songs like “Walk Away” without shedding a few tears and I’m a sucker for a good cry. Also, I rediscovered Charli XCX’s music and it’s the perfect upbeat remedy for heartbreak, I guarantee that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHU67YyHdOM
K A-J, 25, F.
Frequency of dating: 2 months after my break up I started dating again and it’s been pretty consistent since then but it’s just casual. I’m very cautious about my feelings now.
How happy they are with their dating life: It’s good I’ve been going on dates some people I get on with more than others.
Go to break up music: Adele’s “Make you feel my love”. This was my go-to when I was younger because I was in quite a few relationships where I felt that I had a lot of love to give but the love wasn’t reciprocated. Also Diddy’s Dirty Money “Ass on the floor”. This is the song I listen to when I want to remind myself that I am still a bad ass bitch and these niggas ain’t shit haha.
Featured image credits/HuckMagazine
Tami is available here @tamimak_
ICYMI: How music can help increase your self-confidence
Luwa.Mp4 Releases Riotous Debut Album, ‘punKstA*’
Across the album’s 12 tracks, Luwa.Mp4 continues his fiery exploration and fusion of genres like Punk Rock,...
Rising singer and rapper Luwa.Mp4 has released his debut album titled ‘punKstA*.’ The underground star who has been on a release spree all year long, announced the imminent arrival of his debut only a couple of days ago with a cryptic trailer video and an Instagram caption that simply read ‘PUNKSTA* MONDAY.’
Before the arrival of ‘punKstA*,’ the rising fusion star had been showcasing his diligence and talent with a consistent output that has seen him put out over a dozen songs since the start of the year. A string of singles led to a 6-pack titled ‘lore skooL,’ while a deluxe version that housed 5 new songs came just a month later.
His debut album’s lead single, “pUNK FANTASY,” arrived in late July, setting the stage for what could prove to be a pivotal moment in the underground star’s burgeoning career.
Across the album’s 12 tracks, the eclectic singer continues his fiery exploration and fusion of genres like Punk Rock, Afropop, Hyperpop, and Rap into something uniquely different. Tracks like “Pure Water,” which was previously teased on Cruel Santino’s Subaru Live Stream, the abrasive, Tecno-influenced “pROMISED NEVERLAND,” and the more laidback “pEEp MY RIDE” put on display the sort of varied, autotune-soaked approach that has set him apart and helped carve a growing niche.
While Luwa decided to go solo on his debut, credited as the only recording artist, the album was brought to life by a cast of talented producers like frequent collaborator TOPSY, Emyboi, JTRN, 3CB, FVKK.ANDI and Jeremy Cartier.
Listen to ‘punKstA*,’ here.
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Shekhinah Returns With Surprise Album, ‘Less Trouble’
The South African R&B star is at her most assertive on her first album in four years.
South African R&B and Pop singer Shekhinah has released a new surprise album titled ‘Less Trouble.’ The Durban star, who had been quiet for most of the year, took to social media shortly before midnight to share the new album’s cover, synopsis, and tracklist, simply stating, ‘If you’re seeing this my album LESS TROUBLE is out now at Midnight,’ in an Instagram caption.
The soulful singer first began teasing ‘Less Trouble,’ her first album in over four years, about a year ago when she released its lead single “Risk,” a bouncy Afropop-inspired collab with Ghanaian star MOLIY. A few months after the release of “Risk,” she put out “Steady,” a dreamy pop number that suggested that something bigger was on the horizon. But then it was largely radio silence about a project until its surprise arrival at midnight.
If 2021’s ‘Trouble In Paradise’ represented a coming-of-age for Shekhinah, subsisting some of the dreamy, youthful exuberance of her debut album for more measured musings on themes like heartbreak and grief, ‘Less Trouble’ finds her at her most assertive, writing and singing with the acuity of someone who is grown, decisive and discerning. The delicate opener “Break Up Season” sets the tone for the rest of the album as she shows little tolerance for shady behaviour and toxic patterns.
Other standout cuts on the album like “Bare Minimum,” a sombre collab with fellow South African award-winning singer lordkez, the ethereal, in-your-face interlude “New Casanova,” and the percussive “What Are We,” where Shekhinah contemplates the nature of a relationship but ultimately demands all or nothing, all drive home a part of the album’s synopsis, which reads ‘A BOOK ON MORE HEARTBREAK BUT LESS HEARTACHE.’
Shekhinah invites a couple of new collaborators on ‘Less Trouble,’ featuring the aforementioned MOLIY and lordkez as well as multi-instrumentalist Mars Baby and Young Stunna across the album’s 11 tracks. Mpilo Shabangu handled the majority of the album’s production, while other producers like Michael Morare, her longtime collaborator, Mthintheki Mzizi, and Vuyo also contributed to the album.
Listen to ‘Less Trouble’ here.
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The NATIVE’s First Impressions Of Amaarae’s ‘Black Star’
‘Black Star’ marks another evolutionary arc for Amaarae, and The NATIVE team offer our thoughts after a...
Change has always been a constant theme in any discussion about the career of Ghanaian-American star, Amaarae. Since she emerged as a singular voice in the late 2010s, she has evolved from a sirenic Afropop-adjacent singer into a Punk-Pop firestarter with minimal fuss. ‘Fountain Baby,’ her 2023 sophomore album, was a sweeping departure from the lilting melodies and shapeshifing cadences of the hypnotic ‘The Angel You Don’t Know,’ emphasizing her commitment to charting new courses with her music.
In the lead-up to her new album, ‘Black Star,’ she has wholly embraced a Pop aesthetic and sheen that was reflected on the album’s promotional singles, “S.M.O.” and “Girlie-Pop!.” Now that the album has arrived, the singer has advised listeners not to go in expecting a continuation of the soundscape on ‘Fountain Baby.’ As keen followers of Amaarae’s career from its start, we are sure that ‘Black Star’ marks another evolutionary arc for her, and we offer our thoughts after a few listens.
WHAT WERE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF AMAARAE GOING INTO THIS ALBUM?
Kemnachi: I had zero doubts that she would impress me again. Amaarae always comes correct. She is audacious with her choices, taking creative risks most artists would not dare to imagine, and somehow rendering them seamless, deliberate, and effortless. Her music has a way of enveloping me: it’s fluid, slightly dangerous, and yet irresistibly sensual. Every project feels like an immersive world she has curated down to the finest detail. With ‘Black Star,’ I knew it was not going to be a mere collection of songs but another meticulously constructed realm.
Bamise: I expected something fun, genre-bending, and sonically diverse in the fashion that Amaarae’s music typically is. I may have taken the album title a bit too literally, though, because listening made me realise I had an eye out for some Pan-African statements or something to spark discourse on African identity, but I didn’t quite catch any of that.
Boluwatife: Amaarae has largely delivered throughout her career, so I knew she was going to come correct again. She’s one of those forward-thinking artists who take the kind of risks most others wouldn’t, but she always manages to make it work. She’s proven to be a musical omnivore who constantly meshes her wide-ranging influences into something new, fluid, icy, and more often than not, sensual. I knew ‘Black Star’ wasn’t going to be any different.
WHAT SONGS STOOD OUT ON THE FIRST LISTEN?
Wale: I liked “Girlie-Pop!.” I feel like it captures Amaarae’s vision of pushing Afropop into the future. She’s also really grown comfortable with music and lyricism and will not dumb down her message for anybody. The instrumental for “Girlie-Pop!” is also a wonder; it’s so dense, but there are pockets for Amaarae to be emotive about her feelings. Top song!
Daniel Akins: I need to hear “B2B” at the next rave I’m at. Amaarae is in her Dance era, and I’m here for it. Kiss Me Thru The Phone pt 2” with PinkPantheress is the collaboration I knew I needed, and I’m glad they finally linked up. It’s a clear standout on the project; their ethereal style complements each other.
Shina: “B2B” was the one that did it for me. That is my favourite track on the project. The number of times I ran it back was unhealthy for a first listen. It was also really fun to catch the Don Toliver “Best You Had” sample. I need to hear this outside!
HOW WELL YOU THINK THE GUEST APPEARANCES ENHANCED THE LISTENING EXPERIENCE?
Israel: The guest features on Black Star aren’t mere flexes. They’re strategic, theatrical, and sometimes emotionally resonant. They enhance, yes, but they do so on Amaarae’s terms. A standout for me was PinkPantheress on “Kiss Me Thru The Phone pt 2.” The tradeoff is that a few songs feel like dazzling cameos rather than an integrated conversation, yet overall they enhance the album’s drama, texture, and bravado with precision.
Daniel Banjoko: Everyone showed up and delivered, no weak links here. Instead of just guest spots, they felt like vital pieces of a bigger puzzle. Charlie Wilson on “Dream Scenario” nailed his part especially, making the track sound exactly like its name promises.
Moore: The guest appearances on ‘Black Star’ feel very intentional; each one enhances the album’s world without overshadowing Amaarae’s vision. PinkPantheress’s signature airy delivery meshes with Amaarae’s experimental pop sound. Naomi Campbell’s commanding voice on “ms60” is an unexpected but powerful addition, adding drama to the track. Each feature feels carefully chosen.
WHAT SONG IS THE BIGGEST SKIP?
Bamise: Not to be a party pooper, but I don’t get the PinkPantheress collab, “Kiss Me Thru The Phone pt 2.” It feels like a PinkPantheress song with less pop in it, and just borrows the title of the iconic Soulja Boy song but has no other similarities. It’s between that and “ms60.” For me, the chorus of that sounds like something I’ve heard from Amaarae before, and I doubt its absence would have diminished the album.
Shina: I feel like biggest skip is a strong word for a solid project, but if I have to pick a song to skip, it’ll be “ms60.” I think it’s easily forgettable.
Wale: It’s hard to single out a song that stuck out to me, but hearing Naomi Campbell on “ms60” threw me off. It’s just too contrived to bear for me.
WHAT SONG HAS THE BIGGEST HIT POTENTIAL?
Boluwatife: My gut answer would probably be “She Is My Drug,” just because of how she beautifully reworks the melodies from Cher’s “Believe.” DJ remixes of this song could go crazy. But if I were to think a bit more logically, TikTok would probably lap up “Kiss Me Thru The Phone pt 2.”
Daniel Banjoko: “Kiss Me Thru the Phone pt 2” goes crazy. Amaarae and PinkPantheress are the perfect match. This collab feels like it was destined to happen, and it delivers in full. Honestly, I can’t believe it took this long, and now I just need more tracks from these two, ASAP.
Moore: “Kiss Me Thru The Phone pt 2” has the biggest hit potential on the album. The song has a nostalgic, sad party girl vibe that makes it appealing, and it’s also catchy and well-produced. PinkPantheress consistently performs well on platforms like TikTok, and her fanbase overlaps in a really interesting way with Amaarae’s. The collaboration feels organic and exciting, and will likely create a lot of buzz.
OVERALL FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Wale: There is a very visceral quality to how Amaarae expresses desire that I don’t hear very often in a lot of music. It’s abstracted and warped in futuristic textures, but it’s very profoundly human, and it’s always great to hear that even as she advances the sonics of her delivery. I do, however, have an issue with the thematic scope of ‘Black Star.’ I thought there would be overt references to her experiences of navigating her Ghanaian identity, but those references are limited to samples and interpolations. It’s still an incisive listen and a triumph for finding ways to advance music from Africa.
Bamise: It’s Amaarae; she can never go wrong. But for me, this is the album that excites me the least from her catalogue. Other than how bass-heavy some songs on the album are, like “S.M.O.” and “She Is My Drug” among others, it feels similar to other projects I’ve heard from her in a way that’s not exactly refreshing or mind-bending. I may have gotten spoiled by how diverse and eclectic Amaarae’s music tends to be, but I wanted more from her. I expected more gangster, Hip-Hop Amaarae. Thematically, I didn’t get anything that gives the Black Star of Ghana, or black stars are ruling the world. Will I listen again and enjoy every bit of it still, though? Yes, I will.
Shina: So first off, this is a solid body of work. I love the fact that Amaarae stuck with the Dance, Electro-Pop route she was going with throughout the album. The features also played their part, adding their unique touches to each record. I would say, though, a feature I would’ve loved to hear on this project is 070Shake. I think she would have been perfect on “100DRUM,” but we don’t always get what we want, do we? Thematically, I think Amaarae could’ve leaned heavily on her Ghanaian heritage, seeing as the title and cover of the album are a nod to that. Maybe Amaarae just wants us to dance, and that’s what I’m just gonna do, and you should too.
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