We all get worried and stressed, however in relationships with people who are constantly anxious, incredibly restless and unable to communicate properly, these symptoms seem to be in overdrive. Usually, we chuck it up to not being compatible with them, without considering the option mental health might be responsible. Even when mental health is being discussed, the impact it has on a couple’s relationship often gets overlooked. This oversight is in part due to the habit of focusing on symptoms within the individual rather than paying attention to the patterns of how individuals relate to each other in a relationship.
To be fair, issues with mental health are diversely manifested, so it’s very easy to miss or overlook. People who space out, show no concern for their health, forgetful people, picky people, aren’t all just devil spawns, some might just need extra care and medication for their mental health. But how can they get that when their partners don’t understand their predicament.
To celebrate this season of love, NATIVE spoke to a few people with hopes to understand their views on mental health and relationships
Do you think about your partner’s mental health and can you date a person suffering from a mental health disorder?
Male, R, 20, In a relationship
“Yes definitely think about it. I can’t fucking deal with it. I’m not raising jokers for kids and I can’t tolerate someone else’s demons like that if they’re hyperactive. There’s was an ex that was definitely crazy. She was tough to deal with. She was obsessive. Went to extreme lengths to crack jokes. Like wearing retarded makeup and making a video. She talked to herself. I tolerated her when I had to be around and once I was out of sight I made sure we didn’t run into each other in public.”
Male E, 25, Single
“I have dated someone with anxiety and ADHD and I have dated someone with clinical depression; so yeah. Always, it is important to decide what you can bear as most of us are struggling with balancing mental health and physical relationships.The best way to deal with it is to accept the person as they are (provided they acknowledge their mental health issues and actively seek to manage it), and set your limits”
Female – Mo 20, In a relationship
“Yes. I think about it frequently. It’s really important to be aware of your mental wellbeing and also your partner’s. Sometimes I don’t realize that I’m being an ass and I don’t think about how it can affect someone else. Or in depressive states when I’m just feeling off, I don’t really think about how that affects him so I have to be aware of that and vice versa.
It’s also important to pay attention to how you two influence yourselves when it comes to mental health. Some people are toxic and will honestly just take you to places you shouldn’t go to mentally. And it’s important to be aware of that and value your mental health before you’re trying to value someone else.
But anyway, no one is perfect so I can date a mentally unstable person but it’s on their part to let me in and allow me the chance to understand the mental illness”
Female, F, 21, Single
“No, I can not. Maybe if I was completely sane myself, I would try (okay that doesn’t make sense). I don’t know, I just feel one person in a relationship should be stable and that can’t be me. And two unstable people together sounds like a recipe for murder. I always consider it my partner’s mental health. I’m single now but I once tried to date someone cause everyone said he was crazier than I was. It didn’t work out but the experience taught me to never try to be with someone that might be mentally unstable. It’s a legit deathtrap.”
Man, F. 30, In a relationship (Married)
“I had an ex that may have had an undiagnosed mental illness once, so I do think about it. But I don’t think it would be a good idea to be in a relationship with a person with a mental illness. I think it would be best to find the solution that works for both of us before starting an official relationship, just so we understand each other before. Plus, most mental illnesses are triggered by loneliness and stress and I don’t think those can thrive around me.”
How would you react if someone you are in a relationship with reveals they are suffering from a mental illness?
Female, E, 27, In a relationship (Married)
I have never dated a person with a mental illness, but I feel I would be there emotionally for the person. Depression is a deep slippery slope and it would be a shame if someone in that situation were alone. It would get darker if they don’t have someone. But sometimes people are in so deep that they don’t want anyone around them. I would stay if they’re open to trying”
Man, K. 27 In a relationship (Married)
Well, these things are common these days, so I guess if I were in a relationship with them at the moment, we’d have to deal with it. But I’m not sure I would excuse bad character traits. I would stay if they aren’t using it as an excuse to act out”
Male, S, 39, In a relationship (Married)
Like madness? Marriage is for better and worse sha. I’ll have to understand and stay with her. Sharing a life with someone who is constantly depressed is never too much burden for beer.
Would a mental illness diagnosis change your decision to be with someone?
Woman, B. 28, In a relationship (Married)
Yes, I don’t think I can date, someone with a mental illness, and I definitely can’t marry them. Stability is important to me in marriage and I don’t think it’s possible to have that with someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder or depression. But, again, I have found in my marriage (and my relationship with God) that all things are possible. I believe strength is the key, so I’m sure we can get through anything if we’re both willing to try.
Female, A, 23, In a relationship.
“Isn’t love supposed to conquer all? But it depends on the level of instability. A stable guy can still be managed because we all have some form of mental illness. But In the long run, a breakup may be inevitable.”
Male, J, 25, single
Haha. I can’t marry a mad person o
Have you ever been with a person with a mental illness and how would you react if your partner were to reveal that they have been diagnosed with one?
Man, T. 29, In a relationship
I have not, but I have been a person with a mental illness in a relationship. The relationship ended, but it was not because of my mental state, thankfully. I believe communication is key. If she is willing to explain how I can help her or what she needs from me as we go along, I don’t see why not. I also think knowing your limits and when you, as a partner, need a break is important. If I ever feel overwhelmed, I would take a break, maybe travel, and I would hope my partner would understand that my mental health is important too.
Male, D. 24, Single
No, I have not but “Fat ass > mental issues, so yea I guess”
Female, T. 22, single
I think I’ll realize early enough for me to end it
Have you ever been in a relationship with anyone who was erratic? Unnecessarily insecure?
Yeah, I have. A lot of guys out there are like that.
Do you think it’s possible they were that way because they had issues with their mental health?
Rigo Kamp’s Marathon video is an intimate Afro-juju revival that pays homage to Sir Shina Peters and stamps...
Last Friday, Rigo Kamp, a NATIVE uNder alum and one of the architects of an equal parts nostalgic and...
Last Friday, Rigo Kamp, a NATIVE uNder alum and one of the architects of an equal parts nostalgic and refreshing sound released his self-titled debut EP, delivering a propulsive fusion of Alte, R&B, Funk, and Soul-infused rhythms.
Featuring previously released singles “Morning Sun”and “Summer”, the six-track eponymous EP executively produced by Odunsi The Engine sees Rigo lean heavily into his element as a sonic alchemist, jumping from silky falsettos to gritty grooves without losing an ounce of cohesion, and ultimately stamping the Abuja-born, Lagos-based singer-songwriter as a mad scientist of sound.
Just last November, Apple Music named Rigo Kamp as its Up Next artist, an acknowledgment that underscored his potential and confirmed what the tastemakers and underground scene already knew. Weeks later, he delivered an exhilarating live set for Spotify Fresh Finds in Lagos, proving he’s just as compelling live as he is in the studio.
On “Marathon”,the refreshing opener to the Rigo Kamp EP, Rigo borrows the bounce and swagger of Afro-Juju legend, Sir Shina Peters’ golden-era, fusing nostalgia with re-imagination to birth a vintage performance that feels like a private party for two, where it’s just Rigo, and you.
Get an exclusive first look at the video for Marathon here:
Togo YEYE is a community we are building for us by
Togo YEYE, a creative duo formed by Lomé-based creative director Malaika Nabillatou and London-based...
Togo YEYE, a creative duo formed by Lomé-based creative director Malaika Nabillatou and London-based photographer Delali Ayivi, is a conceptual publication that was created to empower and champion Togo’s young fashion creatives. Since its inception in 2021, Togo YEYE has released several personal projects and has also partnered with a number of brands to further its hugely imaginative aesthetic mandate. For their latest collaboration, Togo YEYE teamed up with textile printing company VLISCO to present Blossoming Beauty. Tagged as a love letter to Togo’s creative community, the campaign captures Lomé’s scenic beauty alongside VLISCO’s vibrant prints with the aim of connecting the feminine grace of nature with identity and artistry.
What does Togo YEYE mean?
Malaika Nabilatou: My name is Malaika Nabilatou, I’m the creative director of Togo YEYE. I’m Togolese and I was born and grew up in Lomé. I see myself as a West African creative director and I’m working to be the best in a few years. Togo YEYE means new Togo in Ewe, one of the most popular languages spoken in the South of Togo.
What inspired you to create Togo YEYE?
Malaika Nabilatou: We started this project, my friend Delali and I, 5 years ago. We just wanted to show that Togolese youth are also creative. Togo YEYE is a community we are building for us by us. It wasn’t just a project for Delali and I. It’s become something for the creative scene of Lomé. Lomé is like our studio.
What role does Togolese culture play in your creative process?
Maryline Bolognima: For me, Togolese culture comes first. For example, in the South, there are the people of Anero. If you come, you can go to Anero. In the North, there are the Evals, so if you come to Togo, you’ll learn a lot.
What’s the most exciting part of working as a team on projects like this?
Malaika Nabilatou: I need to tell the truth, we dreamt about this campaign before [it happened]. When VLISCO contacted us, we were like wow. I can’t really explain how thankful we are to VLISCO for trusting us. Because it’s a risk that they took by trusting us, making that campaign here with our team and honestly we are going to keep it in our hearts for the rest of our lives.
Claudia Sodogbe: For me, it is the first big contract of my life that I had with Togo YEYE. I still remember, on the last day of the shoot, I was feeling nostalgic about separating from the teams and the others. It went well in any case, and I’m very grateful to have been on this project.
What has been your proudest moment as part of Togo YEYE?
Malaika Nabilatou: I think the proudest moment I had with this campaign was when I saw the result first on the website. When I saw the story, I was like “wow, we finally made it.”
No matter who you, these parties provide a safe space to let loose without fear of objectification or...
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The crowd marches along on the dancefloor, vibrating to a pulse that is both familiar and electrifying. It takes a second to identify Grammy nominee, Rema’s “Ozeba,” pouring out of the speakers and whipping the crowd into a frenzy as it takes on new life as a turbulent EDM track. The crowd growls and screams in approval of the DJ’s remix, yet another banger in a night filled with back-to-back hits. Hands in the air, sweat dripping from glistening bodies, smoke floating around the dancefloor and young people gyrating with reckless abandon, Element House provides the people with the release they deserve and they reward it with an undying loyalty to its rhythm and raves as they keep coming back.
Party culture has taken on new dimensions in Nigeria over the last two decades as a reaction to economic, social and cultural progressions. This evolution of the way we party is significant considering that Nigeria is a society that lays heavy emphasis on certain accepted standards of moral behavior, rooted in culture and tradition. But that has never once stopped a good time from happening. Millennials and older gen-z will remember the street parties and carnivals of old, usually held at the end of summer holidays or in December, where music by TuFace, Mo’Hits, Akon, Shakira, Lady Gaga and 50 Cent were the staple, among others. There were certain songs automatically expected from any DJ worth his salt otherwise it was not too far-fetched to see a DJ, with his equipment on his head, fleeing for his safety while being chased by an irate mob of partygoers.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. These carnivals and street parties might have been phased out but the idea remains the same while the power and influence of communities powering party culture in Lagos and Nigeria at large has only gotten stronger, especially with the advent of social media. The Block Party series–started in Lagos, Nigeria as the Mainland Block Party–has become the go-to event to celebrate youth culture and foster connections that cut across multiple African cities and walks of life. Today, with curated events in Ibadan, Abuja, Lagos, Accra and others, a community of partygoers is assured maximum enjoyment whenever the Block Party organisers announce an event in their city of the month. The people will always return to where their tastes are catered to, bringing along friends, family and newbies eager to bask in the atmosphere of loud music and togetherness.
In 2012, Warner Bros. Pictures released Project X–a film that follows three friends and high-school students who attempt to gain popularity by throwing a party which ends up escalating out of their control and reaching epic proportions. This idea propagated by Hollywood would go on to influence several house parties thrown in Lagos during the mid to late 2010s. The idea that with the right DJ/music playing at the right venue and with just the right crowd, then immortality was possible–a party so grand that it would be spoken about in glowing terms for years to come until it became lore. Today, house parties are more intimate and controlled, the degrees of separation between attendees reduced by a mutual friend or WhatsApp group they all have in common. From game nights to karaoke sessions to kinky sex parties, whether it’s at Balloons & Cups, a Vogue Boys pool party, or a get-together by the ‘Lagos on a Budget’ IG Community, the role house parties play in the ever evolving party culture is not insignificant, creating a pipeline that feeds into the much larger raves which weekends in Lagos are becoming synonymous with.
Whether it’s Element House today, Mainland House tomorrow, Group Therapy next weekend, WIRED or a host of other house and EDM inspired movements, partygoers are spoiled for choice when it comes to where to indulge their fundamental music tastes in a secure and controlled environment. Nothing is off the menu and a good time is the only badge of honor worth collecting. The increasing popularity of the rave movement in recent years is testament to the fact that it works for both organizers and attendees. The Covid-19 lockdowns changed the way Nigerians party; after months of being isolated from their communities and having to socialize in more intimate and private spaces, it’s no surprise that raves, with their underground nature, became the outlet of choice for several young people as soon as the world opened back up. According to Tonia, a medical doctor and frequent raver living in Lagos, her first few times at parties following the end of the lockdowns were not fun. “I was partying with caution, wearing face masks constantly and carrying hand sanitizer around. It became a much better experience subsequently when everything relaxed and soon enough, I was back enjoying the time of my life at Lagos parties.”
Unburdened from the heavy spending, bottle-popping culture that characterizes Lagos nightlife and cloaked in the embrace of judgment-free anonymity and numbers, raves have become a safe haven for a community of partygoers determined to turn up in the midst of the sheer craziness of living in this day and age. For Michael-Peace, a brand & creative assistant and frequent raver, the appeal goes beyond a need to unwind and the feelings of peace he experiences at raves. “Whether I’m listening to the DJ or just watching the crowd move to the music, it’s a very mindful experience for me,” he says.“I’m grateful to just be there and appreciative of how we can all be one community or family for that period of time.”
The appeal of the rave scene is its inclusivity and it’s a common theme for the new wave of parties exploding in Lagos and environs. No matter who you are or what you stand for, these parties provide a safe space to let loose without fear of objectification or discrimination resulting from socio-economic and political differences, misogyny and other less elegant occurrences which are part of mainstream Nigerian nightlife. This is important to Tonia who, on multiple occasions, has been prevented by bouncers from entering clubs without a male companion. “I’ll always prefer raves, they are much freer and nobody is performing here. There’s no need to show off the number of bottles you bought like there is in a club. Everyone just wants to turn the fuck up and have the time of their lives.”
For five or six hours, the disco lights, turbulent music and fellow ravers provide solace from the outside world. “Dancing the night away” is not merely a suggestion but a divine mandate from the gods of the rave. It is almost impossible to emerge after such an experience and not want to do it again. The music beckons all and sundry to come out, purge yourself of all inhibitions on the dancefloor, then return home and spread the gospel of the electronic music scene to all who might listen. In Michael-Peace’s own words: “There are people I’ve put onto raves and who loved the experience and constantly thank me for introducing them to it. Once you get hooked on it, you’ll never want to let go.”
Party culture in Nigeria continues to evolve as the new wave of parties mark their time and place in history. But the street parties and carnivals of yesteryears are not to be forgotten. The power of community continues to connect the old wave with the new wave, ensuring that actual people remain the focal point of these events, and party goers can enjoy nightlife experiences uniquely tailored to their ever changing wants and needs.