We often neglect how much technological accomplishments has influenced how we engage the world. Evolution has gifted us with abbreviated conversation skills and an absurd talent for picking the perfect emoji to express our emotions. But it’s not all bad. At least now it’s easier to find people who relate with our struggles using a clever hash tag, which by the way, has proven—beyond any doubt—that all men have a lot of work to do.

Yet countless heterosexual women get married every weekend as if someone is secretly telling them that fatherhood is the cure for scum. Most kids will tell you it’s not and their fathers are still terrible human beings who seem to only care about their own happiness. We took a survey to find out what people’s relationships with their dads are like and if it improved as they matured.

Here’s what we found out.

He treats me like a driver now. Then, he treated me like a houseboy

-A

More intellectual. It isn’t just ‘Whooo bobo, pikaa boo’- that he’d be throwing me up and down that happened some years back. We can relate on various topics that I couldn’t some 3-5 years ago

-M

My relationship with him is like a brother to brother relationship. My father is awesome. Growing up, he had all the time for us even though he was busy. Occasionally came to take us home from school. Weekends he cooked, listened and taught us like a lesson teacher, especially Maths. I feel more comfy with Popsy than my mum at everything. My mum hasn’t been around for a very long time and growing up from an all boys family, we all leaned towards my dad. He created time for us. That’s why we turned out well

-J

I couldn’t lie to him about girl [sic] now I can lie better about girl to him

-D

I could ask for money without thinking twice then. Now, I have to calculate and think like an ‘adult’ before asking for money

-M

Mostly ‘welcome’ and ‘good morning’

-U

He used to change channel when they’re kissing before but now he leaves it

-W

I could not go and talk to my dad like that but now he’s more understandable

– Y

There’s no difference between then and now. The only little difference is that then, he could tolerate my mistakes but now I have to own up to every mistake I make

-Y

My relationship with my dad has definitely changed over the years. It’s kind of moved to a comfortable place now. Now, I can say, oh I actual have a “relationship” with my dad i.e more than just biological. When I was younger I revered him. I still do though, then it was more like a fear thing cause he seemed to be very imposing, and he’s a confident person. But that did well for I and my siblings discipline. I definitely felt closer to my mum growing up. But as I grew older, (also with me just becoming more confident, -I used to be a really really shy kid) I could open up more to him.

-O.

Going to a boarding sch and doing A levels outside the [home] country also fostered the need to just be closer to my parents in general. As I turned 18, my dad also sorta felt ‘now I can open up to you, now I can relate with you on a level like other adults’. So my relationship with him flourished at a point that I can pretty much talk to my dad about pretty much almost everything. Maybe not everything totally, cause my dad is pretty much out of touch with the millennial age and can be very embarrassing sometimes, another thing that kept me away from him when I was younger, he was just super embarrassing. But now I can take it cause I know it’s like in good touch. It’s nothing malicious, it’s just him being a DAD, you just have to tension your kids. Yeah. I love my dad, I love everything he does for me.

-O.

My Dad is one of the most selfless people I’ve met in my life. I always tell people that, if I could be half the dad that he is, I think I’ll be like his success. He’s a great father. It’s one of my aspirations in life to be a father too. I look forward to having children of my own and if I could be the father that my dad is, I’ll be super proud of myself.

-O.

My dad never thinks twice when it comes to his kids and his family. He’ll put anything on the line for his family. He’s just an amazing person. I wouldn’t say my only regret is that I got to know this late (cause it’s not like he’s dying). Nonetheless, he’s been the same. He hasn’t really changed and I’m grateful for him. For everything he does for my sisters and my mum. Him just being there.  I’ll say he’s literally my rock. Without my dad, I don’t know where I’ll be today. He’s just kind of provided a spring board for myself and my siblings. I love my dad. I love him.

-O.

My dad and I only used to talk when I need money. But now I’ve learnt it’s important to build a relationship with him. And we call more often now. But when I was younger, I can’t remember having any strong relationship with him.

-F

My dad and I have always been close. We dance together sef and joke and stuff. He’s a family guy.

-S

I always call my dad like everyday from school. Though when we were younger I used to dislike him. Even now, I still do. I feel like on my wedding day I’m going to have my first dance with my mum. Not my dad. Cause he’s annoying.

-A

My father has always been akacious with money. Without my mum I don’t know where I would be. Though I love both of them very much. I may have disliked my dad a little bit while growing up, but now, I can tolerate the old man.

-T

Fathers realizing that it’s easier for them to use shame as a training tool, destroy the self esteem of their kids. They resort to all kinds of manipulation to guilt kids into behaving in a manner they see as fitting of someone who bears their name. Children are taught to internalize their insecurities to please their fathers till they end up just like them.

Fortunately, we’ve seen some indications of hope for millennial fathers though they are just very much a product of the generation they were born into. 2 Face is still the poster boy for the notorious baby mama reputation of men in the Nigerian music industry today and no amount of pseudo-conscious lyrics and wedding anniversary releases will make that go away. Meanwhile no one even mentions it now when the new artists have kids out of wedlock. Perhaps it’s the adjudication that all men are scum or something else but now it seems okay to bring babies into the world without a proper family to help them socialize. Olamide, Run Town, Wizkid, Davido—to name a few—are single father but at least they seem to really care about their kids and that’s a step in the right direction.

Olamide’s “Letter To Milli” is a great example of millennial parenting. The track, off his 6th studio album Glory, is an heart to heart conversation between a father and his son but instead of the usual bashing, down talking and outrageous brags about good grades, Olamide’s words are encouraging as he admits his own insecurities and mistakes in hopes that his son won’t make the same mistakes too. Olamide isn’t a saint  but conceding to his flaws makes him shine in a society where men like to think they are infallible. It’s also a giant leap from an industry that previously only used their kids as a marketing tool for their craft.

“Letter To Milli” spells hope for fatherhood among millennials but Olamide isn’t alone in this trend of positive fathering. DJ Khaled is another one. The hip-hop DJ is constantly showering on his son, Asahd. Their father/son bond has already gifted him an Instagram account, his own memes and even his first executive producing gig before his first birthday. That’s extreme but it just goes to show how much we’ve changed as men. The times when one man would have double digit number of kids are past and men are finally appreciating the life they bring into the world.

So this one is to those fathers who actually care about their kids. Happy Fathers’ day.

Featured Image Credits: Instagram/Baddosneh

Revisit Christy Essien Igbokwe’s revolutionary motherhood anthem, “Seun Rere”